IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A TEMP

Thanks for Popping by, but We've Moved:

2010-06-01T02:54:00.000-11:00

to HERE it's better than ever, if we do say so ourselves.

The Underemployed

2010-05-11T05:21:00.000-11:00

One of my best friends from high school and I are co-class secretaries. We were very honored when selected before graduation, but truthfully, we were the only ones who wanted the job.Our main charge is to keep up with the 61 other ladies who graduated with us, to touch base ever so occasionally, to find out who is getting married, who has been promoted, who is attending yet another Ivy League

Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting...and SNL

2010-04-26T02:59:00.000-11:00

I have this ever-growing New York Bucket List, a rapidly accumulating catalog of things I want to do in the city before I leave. Which I have NO PLANS to at the moment, but if you don't plan to hit up This Restaurant or That Show, you'll forget. And you certainly have to itemize your priorities here, with so many culturally diverse and interesting things to do.One of the items on my NYBL was to

How often are you in the same room as Oprah and Liz Lemon?

2010-04-20T15:47:00.000-11:00

Rarely, if ever.Except I WAS, on Monday, when I attended the New York Women in Communications' Matrix Awards honoring outstanding women in obviously, the field of communications.There were loads of interesting folks there, even some men, and I have to say: I left completely rejuvenated and excited about living and working in New York.It's not secret- is it?- that I vaguely, or sometimes more

"You about to get fired up?" "Just a little."

2010-04-14T02:48:00.000-11:00

Like a lot of folks this past week, I was saddened to hear about Dixie Carter's, or rather, Designing Women's Julia Sugarbaker, passing.I remember watching it, growing up, probably in reruns, and it was a part of so many girls' childhoods like my own. I assumed it was a Southern Thing like I once thought "Walking in Memphis" was only a popular song in Memphis; I had no idea really that it's

Zing Zing Zing Went My Heartstrings

2010-03-30T16:19:00.001-11:00

I was watching an episode of Law & Order at the gym- YES, THE GYM (thanks, Groupon)- last month. The Stairmaster seems to go faster alongside stories of women being terrorized on the subway by a serial rapist. Such an episode- in which a repeat offender was striking at random and others on the subway ignored the crimes while happening- just perpetuates the idea of NYC as a horrifically violent

WWJD?

2010-03-25T02:26:00.000-11:00

As in, what would Joan do?Yes, I passed Joan Didion on Madison Avenue last week. Just a brief moment in passing, nothing notable, but I was THRILLED. I wanted to be able to unearth a life-shattering sign about my life from witnessing a literary titan shuffling across the sidewalk, and if I were a braver girl, I would have asked her to join me for iced coffee at Sant Ambroeus just up the street,

Infrequently Asked Questions:

2010-03-04T13:50:00.000-11:00

Well hello loyal readers! It's time for another installment of what was once meant to be a regular feature, Infrequently Asked Questions. I have slacked in several ways on the blog front, so this scarcity of related posts is at least living up to its title. But now I have accumulated enough reader mail to make up for my sluggishness.Let's begin!What are you doing with your life?UM. That's more

Band of Outsiders

2010-02-22T08:36:00.001-11:00

This morning, I passed through Central Park to get to the UWS. Most people are at work, naturally, but there were a few stragglers walking their dogs, casually smoking and staring off into the distance and a lot of tourists.I know they were tourists because a lot of snapshots were being taken in front of the Great Lawn, the large field where sunbathers gather at the first hint of warm sunlight

Goodbye to All That...Not Yet

2010-02-17T09:47:00.000-11:00

"You see I was in a curious position in New York: it never occurred to me that I was living a real life there. In my imagination I was always there for just another few months, just until Christmas or Easter or the first warm day in May. For that reason I was most comfortable with the company of Southerners. They seemed to be in New York as I was, on some indefinitely extended leave from

Not So Simple City

2010-02-06T06:13:00.000-11:00

I have long given up on making New Year's resolutions because honestly, those are not going to come to fruition. My willpower manifests itself in strange ways, only sporadically it seems to complete small but The Most Important Endeavors of All Times. So really, I can't always harvest that power to say, limit my sugar intake or stop biting my nails. It's out of my control.But this, friends, THIS

Let's Hear it for New York

2010-02-02T14:25:00.000-11:00

One of my college friends came to visit last week, on an exploratory visit to potentially move here, her first ever time to New York. She was a wonderful guest, one who was open to any and all suggestions about what to do here, and most importantly, she did not demand we eat out every single meal, thereby saving me a lot of money and pride for not having to turn tricks near Lincoln Tunnel.We were

You're Invited

2010-01-23T07:16:00.000-11:00

Last night, Conan O'Brien said farewell after being ousted after 7 months hosting the Tonight Show. His parting words redefined class, and I thought the sentiment below was particularly notable. As someone who often throws a pity party for one (attire: hungover yoga mom; food: byoyac*), I really took notice of his optimism and positivity, two attitudes diametrically opposed, it seems, to my own

I'll be at the Orgy, Sipping Merlot against the Velvet Curtains

2010-01-21T09:33:00.000-11:00

I went to another wedding the tail end of my time home over the holidays. Although I had RSVPed, I seriously thought about ditching, but to do so would have been incredibly gauche and rude. Before the wedding, I decided it would be a good idea to make up some lies, some interesting and colorful anecdotes to bolster my flagging sense of self, to tell to the inquisitive folks- read: EVERY SINGLE

The End is Nigh

2009-12-19T05:32:00.000-11:00

It seems Y2K is upon us. New York is expected to receive up to a foot of snow, and the lines at my neighborhood grocery store prove that these "blizzard-like conditions" are clearly the onset of the apocalypse. I spent half an hour in the deli line, hovering over the buckets of gelatinous pasta salads, oily olives, and pink tomatoes (does anyone ever buy those?), waiting to order a half pound of

Have a Bloody Good Holiday

2009-12-16T10:10:00.000-11:00

"Dad, I gave blood today.""You did WHAT?!?"Turns out, my one selfless deed of the season is in question because my father thought I finally made good on my promise to sell some plasma. Nope, just some blood. Didn't even sell it- I gave it away.Even after fielding his questions and assuring him this was a gesture of holiday kindness for the New York Blood Center, he's still skeptical.That will

Worse than the total agony of being in love?

2009-10-30T04:59:00.000-11:00

So I have been babysitting like the preteens from Connecticut, that is to say, fiendishly and frequently, and last night, I took care of a couple of children from London, based on a recommendation of one of my New York families. I had never met the kids, seeing as how they are in town from the UK, so the little girl in particular was quite curious about my American upbringing and my previous

The Mento Becomes the Manatee

2009-10-13T03:09:00.000-11:00

I’m sure I have railed against this before on my blog, but if you’d like to see a not-at-all discreet eyeroll, then compare me to Carrie Bradshaw. Do it. I dare you. My corneas are positioned. My mildewed ballet flats carry me around the city just fine, save a recent bout of plantar fasciitis; no Manolos for me. I’d like to think that my editorial repertoire consists of more

Do You Remember the 21st Night of September?

2009-09-21T03:45:00.000-11:00

You mean, of 2008, Earth, Wind & Fire?Well, yes, I do. I had just arrived at my friend's apartment in Greenwich Village following a flight into LaGuardia, with two suitcases, my laptop, and bag. I stopped traffic on her little street because the driver of my car was yelling at me for more money, but I didn't understand him so I'm sorry, Driver, but I didn't give you a tip. Then onto Brother

Just Jack!

2009-09-14T04:53:00.000-11:00

Completely unrelated to anything, my television avatar, Tina Fey, won a Creative Emmy this weekend for her Sarah Palin impression on SNL. Golf claps. Check out her laying one on Jack McBrayer before she goes to accept her award...and how he shies away! Come on, Jack, go for it. I would, and I like boys. Those chances don't come along often.

That's Just Pillow Talk Talking

2009-09-09T16:41:00.000-11:00

My junior year of college, I took the most fabulous class, a media criticism course for my communications major. For a pop culture fiend and enthusiastic reader like myself, assignments about Lacanian thought in "Psycho" and the crisis of masculinity in "Taxi Driver" were ideal and in no way laborious.For our final project, we were to each pick some tv show, movie, what have you, and come up with

In the Green

2009-09-01T14:29:00.000-11:00

I studied abroad in Spain the first half of my junior year and after a jet lag interrupted evening of sleep my first night back stateside, I woke up early and immediately drove to Target. Target, how I love thee. And each time I have gone back down South from NYC, visiting the megastore is tops on my agenda. There is something unbelievably cathartic about strolling through the aisles- cookware,

Drinking the Kool-Aid

2009-08-24T04:52:00.000-11:00

When I was in high school, I went on a couple of trips to Ukraine to teach English. Or really, I went to snobbishly turn my nose up at their consumption of mayonnaise pizza and volunteer to be the trip "photographer" in order to avoid playing the team-building games. Before these trips, I always stocked up on packets of Kool-Aid Pink Lemonade mix and Equal to fill up my water bottles and

If at First You Don't Succeed, Lower Your Standards

2009-08-12T10:15:00.000-11:00

Now that the rain appears to have subsided and it's really, really warm, I've been making a more conscious effort to get out and about, absorb my share of Vitamin D, all of course while NOT spending money.My latest endeavor, not including a venture around Billyburg this morning, has been visiting this: Carl Schurz Park. It's in my neighborhood, overlooks the East River, and is right next to

Having a Maryanne Heart in a Stacey World

2009-08-10T05:42:00.001-11:00

In the future if I ever have children, they will, I assume, ask me about my days in New York, expecting to hear about debauched nights in which I bartered articles of clothing for a fifth of vodka from a homeless woman in the East Village or snorted lines of attention-deficit meds off a toilet seat in Penn Station. A) That's not how I roll, and B) Mommy was too poor to do anything but patronize

V-A-R-J-A-K

2009-08-06T14:25:00.000-11:00

So it seems the Impossible-to-Consider, Difficult, Inconceivable Thing might have happened today. I just changed the current career title of my LinkedIn profile of "Editorial Intern at Magazine Where I Have Not Worked in Almost Two Months" to -get this- Freelance Writer. I had been reluctant to change the title because how else could I qualify my occupation? "Professional True Blood Viewer with

Gone Corporat'

2009-08-04T15:46:00.000-11:00

Please be aware the following post contains A LOT of ALL-CAPS used to convey an elevation in pitch and increase in sound should this actually be spoken. The receptionist I am helping out this week probably wonders why every time she looks over I am munching on a prepackaged bowl of Corn Pops (not the bowl itself, you understand, but the delicious, delicious cereal) or chewing a piece of gum or

Out of Office:

2009-08-04T04:13:00.001-11:00

Please excuse the lapse in posting. In an effort to rescue my depleting eyesight from hours spent perusing the internet at my latest temp assignment, I am trying to limit my online activity.So until this position concludes or some kindly benefactor donates a seeing eye dog, a pug named Lionel, to guide me around the streets, I shall resume my witty comments and insightful musings at a later

I Swear Sometimes That Man Is Out to Get Me

2009-07-28T04:17:00.000-11:00

A dear college friend visited me this past weekend, and I'm ashamed to say it, but we spent some time in Times Square. Yes, 'twas in pursuit of getting some last minute lottery tickets to this; our efforts were in vain.But! All was not lost! After dodging gawping visitors and dawdling children, we obtained lottery seats to 9 to 5: The Musical, the new show based on the original movie starring

You're a Doll

2009-07-24T06:38:00.000-11:00

In my last year of college, while many a friend was drinking him- or herself into nostalgia-induced oblivion and everyone else was L-I-V-I-N it up, I was racked with months of hand-wringing anxiety about where I would move. (At least I knew what I would do.)Would it be:London? This locale was certainly tops on my list with the cheeky charm of the metropolis. This might be my favorite large city I

Why Did I Already Finish This?

2009-07-16T12:50:00.000-11:00

I am back in NYC after beginning the day of travel at 4:30am. This time around, it was harder than usual to leave the comforts of home. I'm not sure why, but several sneezing attacks and an encroaching sore throat yesterday amplified the dread of returning. No matter the fact I am hurdling toward my mid-20s, illness away from home is one of the worst feelings. Today, amid power napping and

Keep Hustling, Keep Flowing

2009-07-14T14:40:00.000-11:00

In my reluctant and humble conversations to drum up publicity for the blog and therefore, my career, I'm often left to explain the title to the four out of five people who- to my bewilderment- have never seen Hustle and Flow."You know? 'It's Hard out Here for a Pimp?' It's like that..."More blank stares. And then I'm left to explain the premise, skillfully dodging the blatant suggested connection

Let the Wedding Season Begin!

2009-07-06T11:42:00.000-11:00

I'm headed back down south this weekend for a good friend's wedding, and let's be frank, my share of Sonic happy hours, Chick-fil-a milkshakes, driving as much as I can, and I would say relaxing but seeing as how I am technically unemployed, I might need to work on elevating my heart rate.The wedding is undoubtedly my first priority as the occasion marks a reunion of not only my Memphis friends

If the Glove Fits

2009-06-28T09:37:00.000-11:00

Ever so infrequently, the city of New York comes together in a spectacular display of unity. I first saw it two years ago when I was interning for the summer, the very summer the final Harry Potter was released. Every second person on the bus, the subway, the street, and in the park was reading the book, relishing the novel page by page, transfixed enough to ignore the usual foolishness happening

"Just 'Cause I Talk Slow Doesn't Mean I'm Stupid"

2009-06-24T15:10:00.000-11:00

Remember "Sweet Home Alabama?" In which Reese Witherspoon escapes her Southern roots (Alabaman, specifically) by becoming a fashion designer in New York? She forges ahead by forging her past and like every well-to-do romantic comedy, Reese reconciles her disdain for her humble roots with her big city ambition with the help of a chiseled boy with eyes that sparkle.As a tenth grader who long

I'm Rather Fonda Jane

2009-06-07T14:35:00.000-11:00

I'd only seen Jane Fonda alongside the DISH known as Robert Redford, but I am beyond intrigued with her. In the spirit of the Tony Awards (since she is nominated for 33 Variations, which was SPECTACULAR), allow me to elaborate. Who else has done workout videos, was married to a billionaire, starred alongside actors ranging in caliber from Robert Redford to Lindsay Lohan, was arrested for

Sad to Say Goodbye

2009-06-02T14:21:00.000-11:00

So my internship concludes this upcoming week. It has been a fantastic experience and although I am apprehensive about what's next (there are some options besides dog-walking and illegal organ harvesting- don't fret!), I'm concerned obviously about my income. But truth be told, here's why I'm actually pretty sad about leaving.You see, my building is incredibly close to Rockefeller Center...30

I'm a Big Kid Now

2009-05-10T12:42:00.000-11:00

I have not only taken to wearing a watch, but it's analog. Instead of reaching for my phone to see the digits in plain view, now I look to my wrist and take entirely too long to decipher the time of day.I also just purchased an iron and ironing board. No more hanging up the button-downs for 2 weeks in advance just so the wrinkles can ever so naturally fall out (because they won't).It's Official.

What I Should Be Doing:

2009-05-07T14:27:00.000-11:00

sending out my resume and wowing potential employers with my skilled sentence constructions and verbagefinishing up an article I have been slowly writing for over a monthfiguring out my lifeWhat I Am Really Doing:listening to the following songs on repeat in hopes that the monotony creates a fluid, seamless, focused process that will induce productivity: Born Secular- Jenny Lewis The Re-arranger-

And We're Back...

2009-05-05T14:30:00.000-11:00

After one Chick-fil-a chicken biscuit, a quick jaunt to my old school, breakfast with my very own Breakfast Club (we were not brought together by acid-washed jeans nor Saturday morning detention, but I do my share of hearty laughing around them- consider this your shout-out, folks), exhausting hours of shopping with my mom, and catching up with my dear friends, I have returned.And I am still

Everything's Fried Here in Memphis*

2009-04-29T13:23:00.000-11:00

*like this:{not sure this is what The Hold Steady meant}what I will soon be consuming with great relish and frequencyMMMMMM...This time tomorrow, I will be in Memphis. I'm headed home for a quick jaunt of a long weekend. Hurrah. I can't wait to see my friends, family, even dog, visit this new spot by my house, eat here, and of course, transition my winter wardrobe into my remaining spring clothes

Dirty Laundry

2009-04-23T07:02:00.000-11:00

I have yet to do my own batch of laundry since arriving in New York. I'm very challenged in the domestic sphere so it's no surprise that although I am cheap, and every little penny helps, I send my laundry out to be done. I have no qualms with strangers scrubbing my stains or touching my delicates, but I have encountered a few who are very uneasy with it. I myself am more uneasy with all every

Horrors! Somebody's Removing Books from My Room!

2009-04-21T12:57:00.001-11:00

{picture goes here}Nope, that's not an error. To illustrate my long-awaited post (sorry! seriously, so much has been going on), I had the perfect picture in mind. But I can't find my camera cord to transfer said photos for download. I actually can't find several other things post-move, especially my beloved Febreeze. I feel a bit like I'm living in Grey Gardens- minimal furniture (I'm borrowing

Out of the Office reply:

2009-03-29T14:52:00.000-11:00

I've been busy packing up, moving boxes, figuring out my life, and listening to the "Flashdance" soundtrack, so I'll be back in a few once I'm more settled.

How Much Do You Want for the Golden Goose?

2009-03-24T13:26:00.000-11:00

I was somehow voted "Most Likely to Be Famous" by members of my college graduating class. I'm still bewildered, but it seems my peers' prophecy has come true. Check it out:photo: Chester Higgins, Jr./New York TimesYes, that's me, and my friend, Amy. She's the super chic one in the khaki trench, and I'm the one to the left pointing out the 17 varieties of M&Ms at Economy Candy. [The toggle coat

Gimme Shelter

2009-03-21T05:59:00.000-11:00

Just when I thought I was going to have to sleep under my cubicle, disperse my clothes amongst my various friends, and purchase a gym membership so I could shower (and workout, naturally), I found an apartment. This time next week I will not be homeless. Another bright spot in my week: I scored presale tickets to the June shows of my favorites, the Avett Brothers, at the Fillmore at Irving Plaza.

The Sky is a Hazy Shade of Winter*

2009-03-17T14:11:00.000-11:00

...and I'm over it. The season has clearly overstayed its welcome, and I will be glad to see it go, taking my tights, dry skin, and pale complexion with it. Lately up here, there's been promises of warmer days to come, with the sun vaguely suggesting it's ready to join us again and banish the frigid temps. On the days when I have to locate my sunglasses and I can leave my peacoat at home, I

New York, I Love You but You're Bringing Me Down

2009-03-16T12:36:00.000-11:00

Today has been one of those days. If this were kindergarten, my defeated spirit would most certainly be because I wet my pink Osh Kosh B'goshes or I cut my Barbie's hair at a most unflattering angle. Instead, I am an adult, still getting the hang of this whole independence thing, and after not getting the apartment I so fervently desired, there was an issue with payroll (and a fairly rude

Hoo Ray

2009-03-15T16:12:00.000-11:00

positively beatificPTGL: Praise the good Lord, Gossip Girl is back tomorrow after a particularly long hiatus. My Monday nights and Tuesday mornings have not been the same for quite some time.I happen to have it on good authority the cast is filming at the Plaza tomorrow. I excitedly told my roommate that tidbit to which she appropriately replied: "Stalker," but I do not take the blame if I just

The Waiting Game

2009-03-14T07:13:00.000-11:00

A New Yorker friend told me once that finding an apartment is like finding a husband: you just have to wait until a good one comes around. Equally encouraging and disheartening in that, okay, there's only so much one can do until something pans out, or, buy me a cat and give me a muumuu because here comes perpetual singlehood. Until the elusive perfect-for-right-now apartment appears, each and

Another Reason Why I Love the Library:

2009-03-09T12:14:00.000-11:00

probably reading Twilight, NOT doing her taxes...Not only am I waiting to pickup a book I have long wanted to read from my local branch, but I am also waiting, very begrudgingly, to head to the lib and get my taxes done. I'm not entirely sure what all that means- numbers, finance, government matters, it's too much for my celebrity gossip- sapped brain- but fortunately, the NYPL is hosting

Anyone Need a Roommate?

2009-03-04T15:05:00.000-11:00

My last attempt to search for housing was marked by crying jags and sleepless nights. It's that time again, when I have to search for another place to live. So far, not so bad, but it does seem that every time when I find something moderately promising on Craigslist, the listing requires that I live with 3 cats or walk in the nude in exchange for discounted rent or I have to leave in 2 months.

Make It Happen

2009-03-02T14:08:00.000-11:00

Nothing emboldened my 8-year-old soul quite like Mariah Carey's 7 octave range (and I'll say it: Devon Sawa, but for different reasons). I have incredibly vivid memories of trying to emulate her pitch, bebopping to the 90s beats while getting ready for Sunday School, as my patient mother nearly Van-Goghed me, half-successfully curling my hair. "Mom, doesn't she have THE best voice?" (I now

Girl, I Heard She Eats One Cracker a Day

2009-02-27T16:12:00.000-11:00

Clearly, this is The Best Time Ever to pursue a career in journalism. Newspapers are falling, magazines are floundering, while websites are quickly overtaking both as the premiere media outlet with no clear business plan. So not only are the eager spring chickens not finding much stability, it seems the older, virile stand-bys aren't safe anymore either.Liz Smith, a tried-and-true vet of various

Short Cuts...

2009-02-23T16:18:00.000-11:00

...sounds like the name of a kitschy hair salon that employs gum-smacking beauticians with heavily lacquered talons, am I right? Comforting, but it also kind of smacks of risky cheapness, in which you come in with a picture of Leighton Meester's waves and come out looking like Jessie Spano on caffeine pills. Not a good look. Sometimes it's worth the higher cost so you look more Ashley and less

In Which Our Protagonist Decides to Give up Sugar:

2009-02-21T05:44:00.000-11:00

I realize most of my entries heretofore have regarded food- not New York or the south, nor my quest for employment, nor my deep interest in pop culture. My one-sided love affair with sugar is well-documented, my slavish adoration of the thigh-thickening additive noted. And so, yes, I have a problem, and before my rarely-visited doctor tells me I'm prediabetic and I need hypnotism, let's nip this

Confessions of a Something-or-Other

2009-02-18T14:21:00.000-11:00

Before I went to the movies this past weekend, I read up on several articles, blog posts, et al that preemptively bashed Confessions of a Shopaholic. Certainly the premise (aspiring magazine writer compulsively shops and shops and shops, on a paltry editorial budget, mind you) could have come at more opportune times, but the way many a movie critic denounced the film for its parade of luxury

This is Why I Might Have to Get Gastric Bypass

2009-02-12T14:03:00.000-11:00

My lack (often perceived, I admit) of funds has mainly impacted my eating habits insofar as I don't keep a lot of food around (because I'm not buying it), I've become much more inventive with the available edibles (sweet potatoes and syrup: gluttonous or brilliant? Delicious!), and I tend to become preoccupied to an unhealthy extent with certain foods.Last week, I may or may not have contacted

Friday Night Lights

2009-02-07T06:51:00.000-11:00

This year's Super Bowl was particularly anticlimactic, or rather the hype leading up to it, but perhaps I think that because any sporting event is just another yawn-worthy affair that cannot hold my attention. I would rather 1) Take the 2 train in all its duration while it's running local for whatever inexplicable reason without a book or iPod,2) Reread The Awakening by Kate Chopin, or3) Watch

Almost Famous

2009-02-01T13:26:00.000-11:00

she's such a charmer, oh no.Today, a rather fashionable colleague of mine asked me where I was from while we waited at the same elevator bank. I told her; no surprise there. "Oh- accent?" I asked. "No," she said, "you dress like a southerner." I certainly didn't have a Confederate flag backpack nor was I wearing a tattered Dollywood tee. How does a southerner dress anyway? Was it my coat? My

Rest in Peace, Domino

2009-01-28T13:30:00.000-11:00

Domino, a Condé Nast publication, shuttered today after suffering the economic blow currently afflicting many other magazines and newspapers. A decorating how-to for established party planning mavens and aspiring aesthetes alike, the shelter magazine is the latest fatality in a line of similar publications in recent months.Just shy of its 4th birthday, Domino leaves behind its founding

Law & Order

2009-01-26T15:52:00.000-11:00

It's not uncommon to walk down a Manhattan street and notice a city permit, taped on a lamp post, forbidding parking on this particular road for a particular date because Gossip Girl, 30 Rock, or some other New York-centered show or movie is filming. Thanks to these, New York is comprised of financially incompetent writers with insanely large abodes or sexually promiscuous trust-fund babes whose

IAQ- the Anniversary Version

2009-01-22T16:13:00.000-11:00

It's official. I've been in New York four months as of yesterday. So in celebration of my being clothed, fed, and housed, here's another installment of reader mail.What's the best thing you've eaten yet?Just give a minute, sorry. I have a very visceral response to food. It's a tie: Macaroni and cheese with lardo and truffle butter or the Marzipan Nutcracker doughtnut. Oh gosh, I have to stop

Here Comes Treble

2009-01-20T15:20:00.000-11:00

I'm constantly on the prowl of ways to make extra money. In my exhaustive Craigslist search for additional jobs, I once found a post entitled NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY. Obviously, I was intrigued; with such a heading, heavy lifting and a cursory knowledge of Polish were probably not employment prereqs. Turns out: the listing wanted people to be trained TO PICK LICE OUT OF SCALPS. (Whose scalps? Who

Freezing to Death

2009-01-18T15:42:00.000-11:00

On 30 Rock, Liz Lemon repeatedly settles into dating her beeper salesman ex, Dennis Duffy, a less-than-stellar boyfriend candidate. Her coworker, Jenna, asks here why she keeps going back to him. Liz says, "If you give into it then you just start to feel kind of numb and warm and then you just get sleepy." She barely has to work at the relationship, doesn't have to keep up appearances, and can

Full Disclosure

2009-01-15T15:35:00.000-11:00

I'm prone to making grand plans like Mary-Kate and Ashley dress-up days and broad sweeping statements like "I'm going to grad school." I haven't yet organized the book club I've been nudging my friends to join for the past 3 years, and the fact that I might have to relearn the most rudimentary aspects of math is scaring me away from the GRE, so no further schooling as of now. In short, I make

See Something, Say Something

2009-01-13T15:04:00.000-11:00

I am not one to make light of casual threats by any means. My paranoia is such that why, just the other evening, I convinced myself that I was suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning and was mentally divvying up my few worthwhile possessions amongst my friends should I not wake in the morning. So yes, you tell me a mysterious package has been found on the 1 train, and I will wake up an extra

Jealous Much?

2009-01-11T14:50:00.000-11:00

Before I and any of my peers turned 16, a friend's grandparents gifted her with a sparkling white Mercedes SUV. I pretended my emotion, the blinking back of tears, was disbelief, a reinforcement of my parents' lifelong financial shrewdness. But no no no, this was sheer jealousy. I'm sure my resentment was amplified by teenage hormones, but I haven't coveted anything that much until recently when

Infrequently Asked Questions

2009-01-09T13:44:00.000-11:00

I get a lot of mail from my devoted readers on account of the fact that I am incredibly popular and well-liked by my peers, or so I'm told. This is the time of the week when I kindly take time out of my rigorous schedule, prop my feet up, and share a little more with you, the gentle reader, about who I am. It's my pleasure.What exactly is your job? Why? What have you heard?Well, okay, what do you

Are you Hungry Tonight?

2009-01-08T16:50:00.000-11:00

I haven't purchased any necessary groceries since before Christmas so my the pickings from my pantry are slim, and usually I suffer through the hunger as I'm not really inspired to demonstrate my culinary prowess using only balsamic vinaigrette, peanut butter, and pancake mix. Except tonight. I'm crawling into bed, nearly comatose from my Crumbs 'King' cupcake. It's January 8, and any good

Please Join Us for Naptime & Mudpies Following the Ceremony

2009-01-07T16:22:00.000-11:00

I recently made a lengthy drive during my time home. 8 hours. Twice. Desperate to find any interesting music, I scanned the radio, hardly able to find anything besides the perils of dastardly women and too much booze in the form of plucking country songs and conservative talk radio: "And on the 3rd day, God created the Remington-bolt action rifle so that Man could fight the dinosaurs and the

No Job? No Apartment? No Problem!

2009-01-06T14:44:00.000-11:00

A little over 3 months ago, I packed 2 suitcases and headed to the Memphis airport to fly to Manhattan on a 1-way ticket. 'The rats, the gossip girls, the mad men- this will be brilliant fodder for my no-doubt soon illustrious journalism career! Hand me my beret and call me Mary Tyler Moore!'Yep, I moved to New York a few days before the stock market took a serious dip, without any reliable