Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Here Comes Treble

I'm constantly on the prowl of ways to make extra money. In my exhaustive Craigslist search for additional jobs, I once found a post entitled NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY. Obviously, I was intrigued; with such a heading, heavy lifting and a cursory knowledge of Polish were probably not employment prereqs. Turns out: the listing wanted people to be trained TO PICK LICE OUT OF SCALPS. (Whose scalps? Who knows? Who CARES?!?) Needless to say, I did not reply, but that doesn't mean my financial inventiveness ends there.

I'm likethisclose to organizing my New York friends and me into a singing group in the Union Square subway station. You think I'm kidding, but one glass of wine in on an empty stomach, watch me demand a demonstration of their octave range to see who's soprano, bass, or who should stand there in a moderately low-cut top mouthing "watermelon" while dinging the triangle. "There is money to be made; let's seize this, ladies!" First stop, 23rd Street, second: Carnegie Hall! (Feel free to insert jazz hands and hip swivel here.)

So I haven't yet told my friends about my grand plan, and I'm fairly certain permits are necessary for this sort of endeavor, but that hasn't stopped me from plotting our set list...and maybe demonstrating my own musical prowess on the selections while alone. I always love telling my friends what music they should be listening to, whether they like it or not, so here's a sampling of our future a cappella arrangements.

Myriad Harbour- The New Pornographers

Everywhere- Fleetwood Mac


The ReArrangerMates of State

Revelry- Kings of Leon

Hurricane Jane- Black Kids



9 to 5Dolly Parton



Shame- The Avett Brothers

I highly suggest you check these out. If you notice, most of these rely heavily on instrumental accompaniments. Unfortunately for us, no one has any discernable musical talents so we will become very intimately acquainted with the glockenspiel. You can find me in the back singing "olive juice" and shaking the maracas. Requests always accepted.