I Swear Sometimes That Man Is Out to Get Me

A dear college friend visited me this past weekend, and I'm ashamed to say it, but we spent some time in Times Square. Yes, 'twas in pursuit of getting some last minute lottery tickets to this; our efforts were in vain.

But! All was not lost! After dodging gawping visitors and dawdling children, we obtained lottery seats to 9 to 5: The Musical, the new show based on the original movie starring Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and of course, Dolly Parton.

courtesy of" Marquis Theatre

If you, like me, have yet to see the film {it's on my NYPL queue}, here's a synopsis: three hard-working women quickly tire of hitting their heads on the glass ceiling amid the sexist office politics and kidnap their misogynist boss. Chaos and hilarity ensues, but in any real-life situation not set to lyrics by Dolly, this sounds like a nightmare, right?

The various positions I have taken in this industry have placed me alongside equally ambitious women and a handful of gay men who have no reason to sexually harass their female counterparts. Even though I have never encountered ogling and suggestive remarks, gender differences will always come into play and create interesting situations.

Ever signed XOXO on an email to your male colleagues? Notice how women always feel like apologizing? She has and does, "she" being Construction Barbie. Construction Barbie and Dolly could swap stories and hair tips.

Construction Barbie: Stories, Adventures, and Observations from Women Who Work in Male-Dominated Industries

"Just 'Cause I Talk Slow Doesn't Mean I'm Stupid"

Remember "Sweet Home Alabama?" In which Reese Witherspoon escapes her Southern roots (Alabaman, specifically) by becoming a fashion designer in New York? She forges ahead by forging her past and like every well-to-do romantic comedy, Reese reconciles her disdain for her humble roots with her big city ambition with the help of a chiseled boy with eyes that sparkle.

As a tenth grader who long dreamed of life in Manhattan when I was older, I ran out to see this movie on opening night. I have been told in the distant past that Reese's character and I had some similarities. I almost always brightened at that suggestion but smoldered when I realized that she was a total SNOT in 95% of the film.

I myself have had to resolve the pluses and minuses of living in each location, the benefits and drawbacks to both houses and apartments, languid drawls and clipped intonations. Dare I say it? I've got some pride in my Southern upbringing, thanks to nearly 9 months of city life.

So excuse me if I bristled a bit at the following incident. I was asked by someone, a PEER NO LESS (she's my age, down to the college graduation date), where I was from on account of- surprise!- my faint accent. "That's so cute," she said when I told her. (Meanwhile, she hails from California, much geographically distant that my own hometown.)

Cute? Really? To me, and I really don't feel I'm being overly sensitive, that word implies a certain frailty and gentility (sometimes) that has overcome the depths of one-room schoolhouses, dirt roads, outhouses, and passing out in the heat. Now I've come close to losing my composure on a Memphis morning in July but have you seen "Steel Magnolias?"

Add it to your Netflix queue behind "Sweet Home Alabama." I do love Dolly, and Reese, of course.

For more boning up on Southern transplants in Manhattan, read my friend's article, "Homecoming Queen," from NYTimes.

Here Comes Treble

I'm constantly on the prowl of ways to make extra money. In my exhaustive Craigslist search for additional jobs, I once found a post entitled NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY. Obviously, I was intrigued; with such a heading, heavy lifting and a cursory knowledge of Polish were probably not employment prereqs. Turns out: the listing wanted people to be trained TO PICK LICE OUT OF SCALPS. (Whose scalps? Who knows? Who CARES?!?) Needless to say, I did not reply, but that doesn't mean my financial inventiveness ends there.

I'm likethisclose to organizing my New York friends and me into a singing group in the Union Square subway station. You think I'm kidding, but one glass of wine in on an empty stomach, watch me demand a demonstration of their octave range to see who's soprano, bass, or who should stand there in a moderately low-cut top mouthing "watermelon" while dinging the triangle. "There is money to be made; let's seize this, ladies!" First stop, 23rd Street, second: Carnegie Hall! (Feel free to insert jazz hands and hip swivel here.)

So I haven't yet told my friends about my grand plan, and I'm fairly certain permits are necessary for this sort of endeavor, but that hasn't stopped me from plotting our set list...and maybe demonstrating my own musical prowess on the selections while alone. I always love telling my friends what music they should be listening to, whether they like it or not, so here's a sampling of our future a cappella arrangements.

Myriad Harbour- The New Pornographers

Everywhere- Fleetwood Mac

The ReArranger- Mates of State

Revelry- Kings of Leon

Hurricane Jane- Black Kids



9 to 5- Dolly Parton



Shame- The Avett Brothers

I highly suggest you check these out. If you notice, most of these rely heavily on instrumental accompaniments. Unfortunately for us, no one has any discernable musical talents so we will become very intimately acquainted with the glockenspiel. You can find me in the back singing "olive juice" and shaking the maracas. Requests always accepted.